Myths about suicide

Most of these are believed by kind people who are trying to help. Several of them are the reason somebody did not say anything, and one of them is the reason support gets withdrawn at exactly the wrong moment.

This section is mostly for the person about to say the wrong thing — the parent, the manager, the friend who has just been told something difficult and has thirty seconds to respond.

• Myth

  Asking someone if they are suicidal puts the idea in their head.

  Actually

  It does not. Asking directly is associated with reduced distress, and it is one of the most useful things a supporter can do.

• Myth

  People who talk about suicide are not the ones who do it.

  Actually

  Most people who die by suicide gave some indication beforehand. Talking about it is a warning sign, not a substitute for one.

• Myth

  Suicide always happens out of the blue, with no warning at all.

  Actually

  It can look that way from outside, and often does. Warning signs are usually present but are quiet, and are far easier to see afterwards.

• Myth

  Once someone seems better, the danger has passed.

  Actually

  The weeks after a crisis — including after discharge from hospital — are among the highest-risk periods there are.

• Myth

  Suicide is a selfish act.

  Actually

  People in that state overwhelmingly believe they are a burden, and that the people they love would be better off. It is a distortion, not selfishness.

• Myth

  It was just a cry for help — they were being attention-seeking.

  Actually

  A person asking to be noticed is a person asking for help, and previous attempts are one of the strongest predictors of later death.

• Myth

  Talking about it will make things worse.

  Actually

  For the person in distress it usually does the opposite. What harms is method detail and glamorisation, which is a different thing entirely.

• Myth

  Someone who is suicidal simply wants to die.

  Actually

  Most describe wanting the pain to stop, not wanting to be dead. The ambivalence is usually present right up to the end.

• Myth

  Once someone is suicidal, they will be for the rest of their life.

  Actually

  Suicidal crises are usually time-limited. The great majority of people who survive an attempt do not go on to die by suicide.

• Myth

  Suicide only happens to people with a diagnosed mental illness.

  Actually

  Mental illness raises risk substantially, but a large minority who die have no diagnosis. Circumstances do a great deal of the work.

• Myth

  If someone has really decided, nothing can stop them.

  Actually

  Suicide is frequently impulsive, and the interval between decision and act is often very short. Interruption in that window works.

• Myth

  Suicides peak at Christmas.

  Actually

  They generally do not. Rates in most northern-hemisphere countries are lowest around December and peak in spring.

• Myth

  Men just do not talk about their feelings.

  Actually

  Men disclose readily when asked directly, in the right setting, by someone who does not flinch. The barrier is the setting more than the man.

• Myth

  How the media reports a suicide makes no real difference.

  Actually

  It measurably does, in both directions. Detailed reporting is followed by rises; responsible reporting is followed by falls.